


i wish it was forever (can't it be?)

by gureum



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, I'M EMO, M/M, a lot of texting, angst but not really, other nu'est members as cameo, other related artists mentioned, post wanna one disbandment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 12:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16640357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gureum/pseuds/gureum
Summary: Minhyun knew, he always knew, that the moment he started to reminisce about his certain tiny hyung, he’s all fucked up. But it happened anyway. It happened all the time.





	i wish it was forever (can't it be?)

**Author's Note:**

> so the idea of this fic randomly appeared when i was showering, but i thought i had to write it down.
> 
> so here it is, a hwangcloud post-disbandment fic.  
> wanna one doesn't have much time left and i'm Extremely Stressed but still we need to cherish this very little time we have left and keep supporting them. i'm suuuuper excited for their last comeback so don't forget to stream Power Of Destiny once the album is out!!!!
> 
> sorry for any grammar mistakes!  
> p.s. the title is from wanna one - lean on me's forever and a day lyrics.

It was on the middle of the afternoon when Minhyun decided that he should take a short break. He and his other four members had been diligently practicing for their upcoming concert. They had been practicing all night long, and Minhyun was the one who gave the most effort to his every dance move he made and every notes he belted out. The concert was to welcome him back, after all. Nu’est fans were very excited to see them return as five and he didn’t want to disappoint them.

 

But even with high spirit and motivation, he eventually got exhausted. Thankfully, Jonghyun was concerned enough he decided that they should rest for a while. They had been dancing since the sun was up until the sun was up again on the next day, and the idea of their legs breaking wasn’t very delightful.

 

Their practice room smelled like nothing but sweat and energy drink, so he decided to recharge himself with some fresh air. Minhyun heaved a tired breath as he walked out to the nearest balcony. The moment he opened the balcony door, he was greeted by the blaring afternoon sun and his tired eyes stung. He had to squint his eyes to take a proper look at the sky.

 

When he finally took a hold of his sight back, the first thing that he noticed was the clouds.

 

It was spring. He was standing on a balcony in the 7th floor of their company building. The spring breeze was brushing past his body, making his brunette hair swayed with the wind. White strings of delicate clouds were aligning on the sky above him, moving along within the horizon ever so slowly. The clouds were whiter than snow with light blue sky painted around them, yellowish ray of sun filtering through their transparent edges. It was beautiful, and the view before his eyes painfully reminded him of a certain someone.

 

As if moved by instinct, Minhyun headed back to the practice room, almost running, before he practically slammed the door open and called out, “Hyu-“

 

Just then, his current stance was broken by a familiar yet unfamiliar voice. “What’s with the door slamming? You okay?” a perplexed Aron asked.

 

Minhyun felt like his brain stopped working for a second. He blinked twice and that’s when the gears of his brain started rotating again and he dawned in the sight in front of him. There was a still perplexed Aron, staring at him like he had grown a second head for randomly slamming the door with no purpose. At the far corner, Minki and Jonghyun were seated side to side with Minki telling a story animatedly and an equally excited Jonghyun listening to him, unbothered by the little fuss Minhyun created. On the opposite side of the room, there was Dongho doing sit-ups instead of resting like what he was told to do.

 

Minhyun smiled fondly at the sight. Right, he’s back in Pledis building now. After almost two years of being apart, he could not deny that he really missed this atmosphere of being surrounded by his four family-like group mates.

 

Still, old habits die hard.

 

He could not help but having the urge to look for the person, to tell them how beautiful the sky was that afternoon. But the person that he was looking for wasn’t there, and the pang on his chest at the realization could only be interpreted as disappointment. The brunette man stood there for another few seconds doing nothing. Aron simply shook his head and decided to just ignore him. Maybe Minhyun was tired, is all. And Minhyun really was, except now the tiredness had dissipated and being replaced by something more melancholic, more agitating. Something close to longing.

 

Minhyun dragged his feet to the back of the practice room, looking for his sling bag and retrieved his phone from it. He hurriedly returned to the balcony, afraid that the soft clouds already moved, blown away by the spring breeze before he could capture the sight.

 

When he arrived back at the balcony, the view from before still remained the same. The tall brunette sighed in relief.

 

Taking out his phone, Minhyun took some pictures while adjusting the brightness. He thought that he needed to precisely capture the beauty of the clouds, he’s a little sensitive when it came to this. After some more repeated attempts of adjust – capture – delete, he finally got some pictures that were close to his expectation. He proceed to drag his thumb across his phone screen and about to open an application to upload the picture. He almost clicked on the icon for fancafe application instead of Instagram when he remembered that the fancafe was already deleted. He should have also deleted the application to begin with.

 

Again, old habits die hard. Minhyun laughed at his pathetic self for a brief second.

 

The tall brunette turned his back and walked a few steps backwards, then sliding down to sit on the floor with his back plastered against the glass fence of the balcony. He picked a picture that he deemed as the most beautiful one and uploaded it on his @optimushwang insta account. Minhyun typed down a caption along with the pic. It was simple, but deep inside he desperately hoped that the message behind it could be delivered.

 

그리워.  _(Missing.)_

 

Instagram notified him that the picture was successfully posted and Minhyun locked back his phone. He stared at the blank dark screen with hundred thoughts fleeting through his mind. All of his thoughts were directed towards a certain person with tiny build, thick lips, and annoying yet adorable laugh that he won’t mind listening for the rest of his life. Minhyun tilted his head and something on his phone caught his attention.

 

Ah, the phone case.

 

It was the one that they bought together during their time in the survival show, almost three years ago. Minhyun didn’t even realize it had been that long since they first went shopping together. It really felt like yesterday. Maybe the saying was true after all, that when you were at your happiest moments, you won’t realize how slow the clock is ticking. The moment will seemed to pass in a blink of eye, and suddenly you’re not experiencing it anymore and they simply remained as a dream-like memories.

 

Minhyun knew, he always knew, that the moment he started to reminisce about his certain tiny hyung, he’s all fucked up. But it happened anyway. It happened all the time.

 

It happened when Minhyun entered his room after a long day with packed schedule, expecting a wide grin and a lovely honey-like voice calling his name, or even better a warm hug from arms that were way tinier than his, telling how he has done a good job that day and that the tiny older person was proud of him like always; but Minhyun was greeted with nothing but silence and darkness. Right, he’s rooming alone now.

 

It happened when Minhyun lied awake at the middle of the night, trying to force himself back to sleep as his hands reached over to cling onto something, someone; but he was met with nothing but thin air. Right, he’s rooming alone now and there won’t be any certain clingy boy that slips under his blanket anymore, snuggling against him when said person were having an unpleasant dream. Now even his own blanket felt too large for him. Every night seemed so unnervingly cold.

 

It also happened when Minhyun had a long journey inside the van, too used to having a certain sleepy boy lean his head against the crook of Minhyun’s neck, snoring ever so softly. Minhyun won’t ever admit how he was literally staring at the sleeping human log for the rest of their journey, watching how his eyebrows scrunched together cutely like he was pondering on something while sleeping. He also won’t admit that he might have or might have not stolen a few pecks on said boy’s head. Not that he  _can_ admit it now, since the boy was no longer accompanying his van rides.

 

It happened every other time as well. When he was eating, when he was playing video games, after a music show stage, upon crossing a bubble tea shop. And also now, after witnessing the beautiful sight of white strings of cloud on the middle of a day during spring. Since no matter how pretty the clouds can be, there’s only one most beautiful cloud in Minhyun’s eyes. One that could never be replaced.

 

Minhyun closed his eyes. It’s only been a few months, but he already felt this wrecked over missing someone. Add a few more months and he’s pretty sure he would explode into tiny particles of hopelessness, or tear himself into pieces, or preferably both.

 

The following minutes filled with silence, only faded honks of cars from the traffic far under him can be heard. Magically, as if God was hearing his silent prayer, his phone beeped.

 

A notification popped up on his screen.

 

**cloud hyung:**

hey

(1:06 p.m.)

 

Minhyun froze.

 

He felt like his entire system had stopped working for the second time that day. The single word had him held his breath, his brain racked with a sudden surge of emotions that he can’t quite describe. Minhyun blinked, then blinked a few more times, all the while squinting at his blaring phone screen. He had to make sure that what he was seeing was really what  _he was seeing_ and that he wasn’t hallucinating due to the fatigue of non-stop dance practice.

 

A second notification popped up all of a sudden and Minhyun was about to throw his phone over the balcony, if not for the tiniest bit of sanity he had left in his wrecked nerves.

 

**cloud hyung:**

i saw your insta post

the one with clouds

(1:10 p.m.)

 

The message successfully knocked back a sense on him and it finally dawned on him that, yes, the notification was real. The message was also real. The person who had occupied Minhyun’s mind for 24 hours per day for the past months were really, really sending him a text.

 

Ha Sungwoon sent him a text.

 

Minhyun pressed a thumb on his throbbing forehead and tried to calm his breath. His hands were trembling heavily. His heart was beating like crazy his pulse could explode at any moment from now. It was a complicated mix of emotions. Excitement, happiness, joy, longing,  _fear_. Minhyun took a deep breath and braced himself to send a reply.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Hey, hyung.

Yeah, what about it?

(1:12 p.m.)

 

The reply surprisingly came in a blink. Minhyun had a tiny sliver of hope that perhaps,  _perhaps_ , he wasn’t the only one who was excited.

 

**cloud hyung:**

uh, nothing

it’s beautiful

(1:12 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I know right.

(1:13 p.m.)

 

Minhyun stared blankly at the already sent message.  _Lame_ . All those months of longing, of holding himself back from not contacting the boy because he was afraid the other might be too busy to deal with him, and now when they can finally talk again, ‘ _I know right’_?

 

What a good job, Hwang Minhyun.

 

To his expectation, Sungwoon’s reply didn’t come until a couple of minutes later. Minhyun was quite surprised a reply actually came after that lame answer of his.

 

**cloud hyung:**

how are you doing?

(1:20 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I’m doing alright, hopefully.

How about you?

(1:21 p.m.)

 

Minhyun stared at his phone and he had the urge to punch himself in the face for how cold his texts sounded. He knew he couldn’t say any weird things since that would probably freak Sungwoon out and made him decide to stop texting Minhyun, but really, is that the best that he could do?

 

An idea popped on his mind all of a sudden, so he proceeded with it.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Congrats on your comeback, sungwoon hyung.

You’re really cool.

(1:23 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

aw thanks

i'm doing just fine

congrats on your comeback too

and your concert

(1:25 p.m.)

 

The tall brunette won’t ever admit that he actually squealed out loud at Sungwoon’s reply. Despite not talking and meeting for months, his cloud hyung knew about his upcoming concert and happy would be an understatement of what Minhyun was feeling right then.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I’m surprised you know about the concert.

But thank you.

(1:25 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

why would i not know

you asked us to come

us as in wanna one, i mean

(1:27 p.m.)

 

 _Ah, right_. Minhyun did told Wanna One members on the group chat about his upcoming concert and Sungwoon was also inside the group chat, obviously. At this point Minhyun was pretty sure that he had lost a nerve or two that he became such a fool.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Ahahaha right, I forgot.

Will you come, then?

(1:28 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

dunno

we’ll see

(1:28 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I really hope you could come and cheer for me.

I'd be very happy.

(1:28 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

hm

surprised that you’re hoping for me to come

you barely even remember me

(1:30 p.m.)

 

_What?_

 

Out of all the possible outcomes that would happen after the disbandment day and their separation, forgetting Sungwoon has never entered his list. Not when the certain person was the one who had occupied his mind from the moment they first met until the exact moment he’s staring at his phone screen with pure confusion. It’s been over than three years but Sungwoon still hold the most place inside Minhyun’s head, and probably heart too. The statement of him barely remembering the tiny older boy was so absurd, he can only gape in disbelief.

 

Why would Sungwoon ever think about so?

 

**hwang minhyun:**

What makes you think like that?

I’ve never forgotten you, hyung.

(1:32 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

is what you said

but your actions says the otherwise

(1:35 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

My actions? What kind of actions?

(1:35 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

you know

this technology called kakao talk

like the one we are using right now

where you can talk with people and ask how theyre doing and stuff

(1:36 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I know, obviously.

I'm using it now.

(1:36 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

well you never use it to text me

(1:36 p.m.)

 

Oh. It finally clicked inside Minhyun’s head. Sungwoon was… asking? Wondering? Disappointed? that during all the months of them being apart from each other Minhyun had never once asked how he was doing.

 

But really, he had his own reasons for it. He was afraid that Sungwoon was busy and the only thing that will he do if he texted him was to disturb the older boy. He was selfishly afraid to hear Sungwoon was doing great even without him by his side. He was afraid he would hear that Sungwoon was having fun, laughing,  _snuggling_ with anyone that wasn’t him.

 

On top of them all, he was afraid that he couldn’t ever let Sungwoon go and accept the fact that they can no longer stick together like before if he still had a contact with him.

 

Still, Minhyun understood that Sungwoon might be hurt because of what he did—of what he didn’t do, to be precise. Though, Minhyun wasn’t the only one who didn’t ask Sungwoon how he was doing. The older boy never did the same towards him either. It’s a little bit unfair, don’t you think?

 

**hwang minhyun:**

The thing is, hyung, you never use it either.

(1:39 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

…..

fair point

(1:41 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

And why is that?

(1:41 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

well

i was afraid you might be busy

with nuest and all

(1:45 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Aren’t you the busy one though?

With hotshot and all.

(1:45 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

you think that im busy?

that’s why you never text me?

(1:46 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Well, yeah? Why else?

It’s not like I could just easily forget you.

(1:47 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

i spam wanna one group chat

like 24/7

if that’s your definition of busy is

(1:47 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

If you’re not busy then why don’t you text me first?

(1:47 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

i don’t want to disturb you????

mister packed schedule hwang????

(1:48 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

The only schedule I have is dance practice.

And playing PUBG at noon.

(1:48 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

if you have TIME to play pubg

then why don’t you text ME

(1:48 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I don’t want to disturb you, Mr. I Thought You Were Busy Ha.

For Godsake.

(1:49 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

i can’t believe

(1:50 p.m.)

 

It’s at that moment that Minhyun finally burst out laughing as he lied flat against the balcony floor, his long limbs splayed out all over the place with his phone still clutched on his right hand. Now that he had heard Sungwoon’s reason too, which is the exact same reason as his, everything felt so absurd that it’s getting funny. All this time he didn’t want to stay in contact with Sungwoon because he thought the older boy might be busy, but he wasn’t. And all this time he thought Sungwoon had forgotten him since the older boy also never tried to contact him, when in reality Sungwoon was also waiting for Minhyun to contact him first.

 

The whole misunderstanding felt so painfully stupid, like he was beating himself up over nothing. It would have only took a simple text of ‘Hi’ and Minhyun’s months of misery could have ended way sooner. But he was stupid, and this time he won’t deny that fact. Minhyun really was an idiot.

 

Minhyun was about to reply when another text came to his phone. This time, the message was less funny and more of surprising.

 

**cloud hyung:**

but your insta post

am i too confident if i think that its about me?

(1:53 p.m.)

 

It took some moment for Minhyun to contemplate the right answer to that question. One wrong move and he would probably mess everything up.

 

True, he was being very subtle by posting the cloud picture along with the caption, but he was beyond surprised that the message actually went across to the certain person. Certain person with cloud as their nickname, who was softer and gentler than any clouds could ever be. The certain someone that had collected enough courage to ask such thing and probably waiting anxiously for his confirmation.

 

Minhyun didn’t want to disappoint him yet again. He opted for the safe answer.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Maybe.

(1:55 p.m.)

 

Minhyun didn’t know whether what he gave was a good or a bad answer. It could be something in between, like he was threading on a thin line, careful in case he might fall into the wrong side of the abyss.

 

All those two plus years they spent together, sticking to each other like glue, but he didn’t know what to label their relationship as.

 

Definitely more than friends, because friends don’t go to café dates on every free time they have, or watch the midnight cinema while holding hands.

 

Definitely more than roommates too, because roommates don’t slip inside each other’s blanket and cuddle from morning until night during day off.

 

But less than a couple, because they have not confessed anything, let alone kissing and doing other intimate couple stuff.

 

Though if actions could convey words, Minhyun supposed he had did more than just confessing how he felt for his tiny hyung.

 

Then why would he became so anxious and self-aware at his reply for Sungwoon? It’s not like having Sungwoon knew that Minhyun was missing him would result in anything significant, wouldn’t it? They haven’t talked for months, it’s only normal for him to miss the older boy, right? And one thing that bugged Minhyun the most, why did he  _want_ the fact that he missed Sungwoon would result in _something_ significant?

 

Minhyun laid on the floor for another fifteen minutes, but the reply never came.

 

The tall brunette sat back up from his previous position, hauling himself to stand back up. His hands gripped against the railing, phone abandoned on the floor. The clouds above are still moving, though not much. He had been sitting there for an hour but the sky color remained the same exact light blue, soft and pale on the edges. It’s still so beautiful. He still wished he could share the beauty sight with someone as equally beautiful. Minhyun chuckled bitterly.

 

Deciding that he should return back to the practice room and just dance the stress away, Minhyun took his phone from the floor and was ready to walk back inside, when it suddenly beeped again.

 

_Huh._

 

He stopped himself from pulling the door knob to carefully turn on his phone screen, scared that if he opened it too hurriedly the notification would disappear.

 

**cloud hyung:**

there’s this new bubble tea retail near coex

jongin recommended it to me

said the cookies n cream one is tasty

(2:17 p.m.)

 

That’s not the kind of reply that Minhyun was not expecting, in fact, the message strayed out of topic and wasn’t exactly a reply at all. Still, he found it interesting. Was Sungwoon trying to hint him something? Minhyun thought that maybe he should dig it up a little bit more.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

Have you tried it out?

(2:17 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

i haven’t

theres also this movie i want to watch

(2:18 p.m.)

 

**hwang minhyun:**

And why don’t you go and watch it?

(2:18 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

just because

(2:18 p.m.)

 

Minhyun turned away from his phone and closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t contain the silly grin that was slowly creeping back to his face. He might be an idiot, but not idiot enough to not get what Sungwoon was trying to say through his vague hints.

 

Two plus months of restraining himself, and if that day was finally the day he could break free from the unnecessary boundary that he created for himself, Minhyun wouldn’t hesitate to go for it. If it was finally time for him to reunite with Sungwoon—his cloud hyung, his ex-roommate, the one that has preoccupied both his mind and his heart for the past years—then he was ready to risk anything to make it happen.

 

It’s really all or nothing.

 

**hwang minhyun:**

I’ll be free after six.

Wanna go together, hyung?

(2:21 p.m.)

 

**cloud hyung:**

sure

:)

(2:22 p.m.)

 

\-------

 

Fri, March 29. 10:11 p.m.

**황민현 (@optimushwang) posted a new picture.**

 

[picture]

 

 **realdefdanik** ,  **pockyjr** , and 198872 others liked this picture

 

 **optimushwang**   _bubble tea and movie night. @woon_322 :)_

Load more comments

 **winkingboy** _you two r so cuteㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ_

 **hotisshot** _OMGGGGG KINGS REUNITED!!!!! <3 _

**wanna___bles** _so the cloud pic from this afternoon is rly for woon huh #년운rise_

 **Nu5est** _@wanna___bles daebakㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

 **ieatramyeon**   _We Been Knew._

**Author's Note:**

> yay. please give lots of love for POD album's 4th track aka sungwoon's self composed song: Flowerbomb. <3


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